As a cure for loneliness I started using a pen pal app a few months ago, it is called slowly. I was lucky enough to find genuinely kind people there. I’ve never personally met these people but to me I see them as true friends. One day I found myself just really breaking and sinking in depression and I felt as if I didn’t have the right to feel how I was feeling. Other people have bigger problems than the one I was going through, it really made me feel conflicted. Luckily, I was blessed to find a pen pal to say the above kind words to me. I really needed someone to say these things to me. We have not talked in weeks but I hope he is doing alright, I hope one day I can return the favor and give him the right words, the right kind of hope. Doesn’t really matter how far a person maybe in terms of distance, words can always find a way to give us comfort and help us heal. I hope these words reach the people who need it the most.
Tag: advice
You are loved despite your flaws
Be Open to Growth
We not only have to choose our battles but also choose our weapons
Some days I feel like the world ask us to be so many things all at once. You gotta be doing something for yourself, for your family, for the environment, something for the greater good of society in general. I think society expects so much of us as if by the time we hit 20 we automatically blossom into adults already equipped with the wisdom we need to fight against racism, sexism, corruption, cultural appropriation, differences in religion, and other injustices our society currently face. As if we have all the time and energy to always radiate self love, be a good family person, be absolute professionals in our jobs, chase our passions, be financially stable, mentally healthy and as if we have the money to keep ourselves fit, go see the world, and seek higher education. We cannot keep stretching ourselves in all possible directions and expect ourselves to go forward anywhere.
If we´re being honest with ourselves, we know we can only ever achieve a small fraction of all the things we want to be. We need to stop pressuring ourselves to fight every war, we need to choose our battles and also learn to choose our weapons. You cannot keep picking up arrows or long range weapons if your aim is bad. This is why that statement is important, I don´t know why but somehow when we hear any problem in our society our first instinct is to be keyboard warriors, just exploding with opinion on our feeds, in a comments section but the thing is not all of us have the right words, not all of us have the right voice. Most of us don´t even have the right stories to be screaming the things we are so tirelessly screaming, we´re just taking from somebody else. And it doesn´t always have to be words on top of words, there is music, there is art, there are acts of compassion, there are multiple actions of support. We need to choose the one thing we know how to do best, the method by which we can make the most impact. We need to fight with the weapon we know how to yield best.
You cannot singlehandedly change the world. And you need not force yourself to fight too many fights all at once. Choose one thing, one simple thing you know you can honestly change. It doesn´t matter how small it feels to change somebody´s day or maybe just change somebody´s mind. Small things done with the right intention will always echo into bigger things, to bigger change.
At one point in my life I told myself I would be an Environmental Engineer, do my part to save the planet but turns out I don´t even have the money to get a graduate degree for that. I tried to be more active in doing volunteer work but honestly cannot find the time. The thing I am dedicating myself now to is helping others through their depression, anxiety and anger issues, because I learned by now one of the things I do best is listening, and really listening. It doesn´t matter if you can just give somebody 10 minutes, as long as you are honestly present and you don´t need to have the wisest words because honestly comfort is not always found in great advice. Comfort is found in words that let you know somebody is there for you, willing to carry your load with you, and willing to untangle the thoughts that frustrate you. This is also why I write, not to seek any form of validation but in hopes that it will give somebody comfort. I used to write for myself, but now I want to write hoping that the right words may reach the people who really need to hear them.
Look. Breathe. Run
The love you left behind
Drowned in a rhythm that has already lost its beating
You won’t find her here
The girl you left months ago
She’s not behind that door, not behind this face
You can look for her in the ashes of that last kiss
If you could still find such a kiss on your lips
Those three words no longer linger here
Somewhere along the way
Time swept them away like dust
You can no longer hold it upon your hands
You can only try to breathe it in
Then comes the letting go and release
You thought you could run the distance
Come back as if nothing has changed
But time didn’t stand still
While you were busy chasing the skies
Memories, intangible are all that remain
It’s far too late to rewrite your lies
No amount of regret ever gave life a rewind
Run boy, time is about to leave you behind
when we talked about “love”
For all you know she’d break your heart, and you’d regret doing all these things for her and you’d call her unworthy and undeserving of the sacrifices but would it hurt? Because the thing is she never really asked for all of this, you’re the one who willingly gave your heart out so easily.
I get it you have all this love inside you and you just want to give it away but seriously stop throwing it at every person who walks in your direction.
You loved him and he loved you, you passed on the chance just because you weren’t sure if this was your big forever. Not everyone gets a love that big, you had it and you let it scare you. Never mind if it lasts a lifetime, hardly anybody gets it right the first time anyway. If anyone ever wants to share so much of their life with you even just for a few years, even just for a few months you are already so damn lucky.
You don’t love her. You just wanted somebody to love and she came in at the right moment.
You didn’t fight for it, you let the temptation of new love sway you as you stood by watching the old one crumble. No it wasn’t the kisses that were so tempting, was it? It was the escape from something you couldn’t save and from the things you never wanted to say sorry for.
Why would anyone ever chase after someone who was unfaithful to them? I guess because the whole idea of being replaced by someone makes you think that you are so difficult to love. To give someone so much of you, your heart, your years, your secrets, your everything and they still decided to leave you, how could you ever think you could be loved when there is not much left of you to give.
You call it unfair when someone pretty couldn’t love an ugly fool like you when you are so unwilling to love someone who looks just as bad as you. Take a second look, it’s not your face he doesn’t love about you.
Novel Disposition
When the desire of the heart doesn’t meet the mind
When we’re out of will, when we are blind
With all our world and days declined
We catch our breath, our strength defined
When we’ve passed the shadows and skies of grey
And we’ve learned to embrace the dark of the day
We see that trouble never fades away
But we hold our ground and learn to stay
Hope is not always in sight
The path you take may not be right
Know that life is not always a fight
It is a journey we learn to write